I'm stuck in my job and I'm not enjoying it. There, I've said it so I can't ignore it any more.
I started this job seven years ago and it was great, lots of diversity, great people, plenty of projects etc. Then I had a baby, took six months off, and came back to a different place. I've thought about this a lot lately and my return from maternity really did mark the beginning of the end, almost like some people were just waiting for me to pop out number two.
Sure there have been organisational shakeups and other external factors but the truth is that I just never got back to a decent workload. I'll admit that at the beginning that was great - Lia was five months old when I returned to work and dealing with her and a job meant that if the job was a bit slack then it was easier to cope some days.
But now I'm bored. Totally and utterly. The project that was supposedly going to 'save my job' is still being worked on (an external contractor is doing the initial work and they've missed their deadline) so I'm at work with nothing to do. So I am bored. Really really bored.
Part of me wants to start looking for a new job but the truth is that the reasons for staying here are much more compelling than for going:
1. In the current economic climate it's much better to be at risk of redundancy from a job you have 7 years service in than one you have a few months service in
2. Lia's already stressy about going to nursery ('it's too young for me mummy!)' to move her now would be such a hassle only to have to do it again in a few months when she starts school
3. Maternity benefits, as in if I get pregnant then I'll get some if I stay where I am
4. We need two good salaries as we might have to subsidise Mum for a bit if her house sale doesn't go through after probate is sorted
5. We're still paying off the credit card and will be for most of 2009 as well
Weigh those issues up next to boredom and sticking with this job seems best for now. Unfortunately.
The problem is of course that boredom at work leads to lethargy at home and I have very little motivation to get out and do anything. You may think that's a strange comment given how I'm motoring through my quilting and stitching but it's actually doing something physical that I have a problem with and, whilst I haven't put any weight on, I feel like a lump that just sits around.
So I am determined to get out of this slump and spend 2009 working towards something better for me. The lack of work at work is also causing a slump in my skills being up to date so I intend to use the time I have with nothing to do to work on retraining my brain in preparation for getting a new job. In January Lia is going to start dancing lessons and I intend for us to go swimming as a family once a week as well. Come her birthday she'll get a bicycle so hopefully in the summer we can go out on our bikes - sure she's only small but I'm not exactly fit so she'll probably beat me!
I also want to get the garden into a state where she can play in it so that's more physical work in the spring. All of these things will hopefully kick start me into getting a bit more active. We have a Wii fit and I really enjoyed using it when we first got it but that's been gathering dust for a while so I shall dig it out again.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed and I'm well aware that I have much to be thankful for - I have a great husband, a fantastic daughter and we have two good wages so can afford treats, holidays, etc but I just feel like I'm stuck someplace I don't want to be right now.
I've even come to the conclusion that I'd like to go down to part time hours and be home more with Lia but for now that's out of the question. DH's job is fine - it's a small company and they're doing well - but one never knows how things will go and we'd be hard pushed to live on just my full salary if anything did happen to his job. Plus I need to know my Mum is financially secure as well.
So I'll look at 2009 as the year to get moving, body and brain, and hopefully by the end of the year the recession will be heading towards an end, my Mum will be sorted, and we can look at our options.
Anyway, on to some less depressing things!
I've finished quilt number two and quilted number three so just have the binding to do on that one. Quilt four is going to be pinned tonight and hopefully I'll have three and four completed by the weekend.
We're off to see Santa in London this Friday which I am most excited about. Then on Saturday a friend is coming over and staying till Sunday when I'm going to do an early Christmas dinner for us and another couple. I'm still not really feeling festive but I'm sure I will be after the weekend. I'm working Monday and Tuesday but we'll be heading over to my family Tuesday night and I can't wait, if nothing else just because I get to cuddle Finlay again LOL.
Finishing quilt number three will mean that I've completed my Christmas gift shopping / making so it's just an evening of wrapping and we'll be all ready.
